You’re in a group activity at work, paired off with a colleague. Your colleague’s prompt is to think of something to discuss that elicits a strong emotion, either positive or negative, and then talk about it for three minutes.
During these three minutes, your only job is to stay silent and listen. When the time is up, you paraphrase their story back to them and share what you heard, identifying the emotions, values, and beliefs that emerged beyond just the facts. This exercise isn’t just a demonstration of empathy, but a test of your listening abilities.
Most of us don't listen with this kind of depth in our everyday interactions, especially in the workplace. Often, while someone is speaking, we're mentally preparing our next statement, distracted by the ping of a new email, or simply nodding along while our minds wander to what we need to pick up from the grocery store after work.
This isn’t just a harmless workplace quirk, but can become a more significant issue. Listening, truly listening, is critical in the workplace, and yet it’s a skill that is often overlooked and undervalued.
Going back to the listening activity, imagine that your partner shared that they have too much on their plate and feel scrutinized.
You could either respond passively by saying, “Oh yeah! I have a lot on my plate too” or you could engage on a deeper level by responding, “That is really tough. I’m hearing that you are feeling both overwhelmed and frustrated that you and your work doesn’t have your manager’s implicit trust. You value autonomy and trust which you feel like you don’t have right now.”
If you were on the receiving end of the second statement, how much more connected would you feel to your partner and their focus on you?
The Power of Listening At Work
According to research from The Workforce Institute, 86% of employees feel they are not heard “fairly or equally,” and 63% believe their voice has been ignored by their employer or manager. This is a troubling statistic, especially if you consider how much organizations can gain from actively listening to their employees.
These issues are exacerbated among younger workers. Just 16% of Gen Z workers feel they can freely express their views and opinions with their manager, compared to 67% of their older colleagues.
Further along the age spectrum, 69% of employees with children feel their voice has been ignored by their managers. So, while everyone is affected by this lack of listening, underrepresented groups feel ignored the most. Parents, younger workers, and people from traditionally marginalized racial groups are disproportionately impacted.
Here’s an interesting insight : LinkedIn’s Inside the Mind of Today’s Candidate report asked workers: “What would make you feel like you belong at the company where you work?”
Unsurprisingly, the three most common responses related to being heard at work. 59% of respondents answered “being recognised for my accomplishments”, 51% said “having opportunities to express my opinions freely”, and 50% said they feel a greater sense of belonging at work when their contributions in meetings are valued.
Notably, 55% of women indicated that their "contributions in meetings aren’t valued" compared to 48% of men. Sideways6 corroborates these findings, showing that 39% of women feel their ideas are not listened to, compared to 30% of men.
It becomes clear that it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. Different situations and conversations require different types of listening.
In the next section, we will explore the four levels of listening - an essential framework that can help managers and leaders significantly improve their communication, foster a more inclusive environment, and leverage the full potential of their teams.
4 Levels of Listening
Not all listening is created equal. You know how some conversations can leave you feeling deeply understood and others, well, quite the opposite? That's all about how the listener is tuning into the conversation, or not.
So, what are these levels? Let's break them down.
Level 1: Passive Listening
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you're technically hearing something or someone, but you're not giving it your full attention? Well, this is what we call passive listening. Passive listening is like being a bystander to a conversation.
It’s the most basic form of listening in which you simply hear what is being said without active participation or feedback.
For instance, you're working on a complex project while some music is playing in the background. Every now and then, you notice what song is playing and maybe even hum along a bit, but your primary focus is your work. Your listening to the music is passive; it's happening, but it's not where your attention lies. Or maybe you are at your favorite coffee shop waiting for your cappuccino. You’re checking email on your phone and only refocus once you hear your name called out when your coffee is ready. In scenarios like this, multi-tasking and passive listening go hand in hand.
When Is It Suitable?
Passive listening isn’t always a bad thing. There are scenarios where it’s perfectly appropriate. For example, if you're listening to a podcast or music while exercising, cooking, or commuting, passive listening can be a suitable form of engagement. You're not expected to respond or remember every detail; the goal is simply to enjoy or gain a casual understanding of the content.
When Is It Not Suitable?
If you're in a meeting, a training session, or a one-on-one conversation with a colleague, friend, or family member, passive listening can be seen as a lack of interest or respect. Not giving the speaker your full attention could lead to misunderstandings, missed details, and potentially damage your professional or personal relationships.
Level 2: Attentive Listening
This is when you’re listening more attentively to what someone is saying. You’re listening to the content, but you’re distracted. Attentive listening is probably how you approach a large training event.
You’re hearing what the trainer is saying but you’re also thinking how it probably won’t work for you in your day-to-day, wondering how much longer the training is, or mentally preparing for your next meeting.
At this level of listening we get distracted by things like:
- Choosing what brilliant question to ask to prove that I already know the content
- Waiting to argue my idea or
- Judging the speaker and my listening is affected by my judgements
Often when we listen to the speaker we listen through filters. Some of our filters can be quite negative and self-defeating.. Examples of these thoughts could be:
- “All these other people are much smarter than me”
- “What if they find out I lack experience?”
- “What if I say something stupid?”
Most of the time these filters or beliefs through which we listen stop us paying attention, trigger our anxiety and knock our confidence. Most of us experience this - it’s a very human thing to tell ourselves mean stuff!
Can you identify one thing you say to yourself when someone else is talking that distracts you? Take a moment to write it down. Raising your awareness of these is a great first step. If you tend to say something mean to yourself, can you debunk that and choose to say something kind instead?
When Is It Suitable?
Attentive listening is most suited for situations where the level of engagement required is moderate. This could include attending a lecture or participating in a casual conversation where the primary goal is to glean general information rather than deeply engage with the content or speaker.
When Is It Not Suitable?
Attentive listening is not suitable when the stakes are high, such as in a serious negotiation, an important team meeting, a heated debate, or any situation where complete understanding and active participation are essential. Here, distractions and half-hearted engagement can lead to miscommunications, misunderstandings, and missed opportunities to build trust.
Level 3: Critical Listening
Critical listening, often referred to as active listening, goes beyond merely hearing the words spoken to you.
It's an engaging and dynamic process in which you dissect and assess the speaker's message, extract key details, and construct a comprehensive understanding of the subject at hand.
This type of listening requires effort and mental acuity, and it allows you to critically evaluate the information you receive and decide on an appropriate course of action.
Suppose you're attending a team meeting. Your colleague, Jane, is presenting a new project proposal. As she speaks, you're mentally probing her proposal. "What evidence is Jane providing to support her ideas? Are her points backed up by solid data? How well does her proposal align with the team's objectives and capabilities? Is she confusing her own opinions with facts?"
When you’re trying to understand through assessing and extracting key information, you’re listening critically.
When Is It Suitable?
Critical Listening is essential in situations where understanding, analyzing, and synthesizing information is crucial, such as work meetings, debates, or negotiations.
When Is It Not Suitable?
There are situations in which it may not be the most effective or appropriate approach such as social gatherings, emotionally charged conversations (empathetic listening is more needed here), and brainstorming sessions.
Level 4: Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening, also known as reflective listening, is a powerful communication strategy that requires more than just hearing the words another person is saying. This level of listening involves a sincere emotional connection, understanding, and responsiveness to the other person's feelings and values. It's about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective.
One of the primary characteristics of empathetic listening is offering support and encouragement rather than advice or criticism. It's not about finding solutions or fixing problems, but about creating a safe space for others to express their thoughts and emotions freely and feel that they are truly heard.
Let's look at a real-life example. Imagine your colleague, Sam, is upset because he's been overlooked for a promotion.
Sam: "I just don't understand why I was passed over for the promotion. I've been working so hard and putting in so many hours."
An empathetic response might look something like this:
You: "I hear that you're feeling overlooked and disappointed right now. You've been putting in so much effort and dedication, and it's frustrating not to see that recognized. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this."
In this scenario, you're not offering solutions or advice to Sam. Instead, you're acknowledging his feelings and giving him space to express his frustration. You're also validating his emotions, showing him that it's okay to feel the way he does.
When Is It Suitable?
Empathetic Listening is paramount in situations where emotional responses are high. It's beneficial when someone is dealing with a crisis, feeling upset or stressed, or during difficult conversations where emotions may run high
When Is It Not Suitable?
In situations that require quick decision-making or immediate problem-solving, critical listening is more suitable than empathetic listening.
More Manager Resources For You:
- Career Conversation Tips and Questions to Engage Employees
- Managing Remote Teams: Mistakes to Avoid and Tips
- Constructive Criticism: How To Give Feedback That Creates Behavioral Change
- How to Prepare for Performance Reviews in 4 Simple Steps
- Managing Complex Change: How to Lead Through Layoffs
10 Critical and Empathetic Listening Tips
Tip 1. Switch Off Distractions
Turn off your phone and the alerts on your computer. It’s hard to focus on a conversation when your attention is being drawn elsewhere. Better yet, leave those distractions at your desk!
Tip 2. Wiggle Your Toes
If you’re finding it hard to be present, try wiggling your toes or concentrating on your breath for a couple of seconds to return to the conversation.
Tip 3. Focus on the non-verbal
Focus on facial expressions, tone of voice, and their body language to deepen your understanding and bring yourself back to focusing on the individual and explore if their non-verbal cues are giving additional context to what is being said.
Tip 4: Take Notes
Whether you’re in person or using video conferencing, taking notes is a great way to show you’re listening. You don’t want to take notes constantly, but writing something down that you have heard demonstrates that you are engaging with the content.
Tip 5: Check your body language
Your body language says a lot about whether you’re listening and can make the difference between a person feeling heard or not. Eye contact is a big one. Other actions that show you’re paying attention are:
- Small, affirming head nods every now and then
- Leaning forward slightly in your chair (You can see just by leaning in versus sitting back can make a big difference.)
Quick Tip: If you’re over video, maintaining eye contact is more difficult because of where the camera is positioned relative to where the picture of the speaker’s face is. Make sure you move the image of the other person right underneath your camera so when you’re looking at them you are almost looking directly into the camera. This will come across more like you’re making eye contact when you listen. If this isn’t possible then actually just looking directly into the camera and not looking at their face at all will be better than staring off to the side.
Tip 6: Be encouraging
Saying a simple “go on”, “I see”, and “tell me more about that” can really help the other person to open up and feel heard. Don’t be afraid of silences though if they pause. It’s important to allow the other person time to think and carry on making their point.
Tip 7: Summarize what’s being said
Summarizing helps you clarify what you think you’re hearing and the other person feels like you’ve been listening. Simply summarizing also helps them feel like you are open to hearing more so they are more likely to carry on and give you more useful details. Oftentimes hearing one’s own perspective through someone else’s voice can help unlock the conversation.
Tip 8: Respond empathetically
Empathy will always be your friend, especially if the person you’re speaking with is upset or going through a tough time.
The more you practice the better you’ll get. Remember empathy is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. It does not mean you try to fix the problem immediately. It also does not mean that you are ‘relating.’
Relating is when you share a similar thing that happened to you in the past or tell a related story of a friend you once knew who went through the same thing! Nice to hear perhaps in some cases, but it’s not empathy and takes the focus away from the person sharing and makes it about you.
Imagine one of your team members approaches you after a meeting.
Team Member: "I'm really struggling with our new project. I feel like I don't have enough background knowledge in this area and it's making me anxious. I'm worried I'm going to let the team down."
An empathetic response would be:
You: "I can see that you're really worried about this. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed because this is new territory for you. It's completely understandable to feel anxious when faced with something unfamiliar. Remember, we're a team and we're here to support each other."
After responding empathetically and asking a few questions, you can then go about suggesting a solution or advice to help your team member.
Tip 9: Welcome The Silence
Silence gives us the space to reflect and digest the information we've just heard. It lets us think before we respond, and allows us to respond more thoughtfully. The next time you’re in a conversation, consciously let there be at least one significant pause where you would normally jump in. Note how it changes the conversation and the responses you get.
Tip 10: Wait for Pause
Wait for the pause if you have questions. Interrupting can be seen as a form of disrespect and makes the other person feel undervalued. When the person pauses for a while, that’s your chance to ask questions to clarify or to dive deeper into the conversation.
Becoming a Good Listener
Listening is a crucial skill, often undervalued but essential for every aspect of our professional and personal lives. We have journeyed through the four levels of listening – passive, attentive, critical, and empathetic – and understood their importance, appropriate use, and influence on communication quality.
The power of true listening lies not just in comprehending words, but in connecting to the feelings, ideas, and beliefs of the speaker. In fostering a listening culture at work, we can create a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and empowered.
The art of effective listening is not merely about hearing words passively, but about fostering connections actively. In a world quick to speak and slow to listen, be the change. Embrace the power of listening. Start now. Listen, learn, and lead.
Free Micro Class: Helping Others Feel Heard
Often when we think about listening we are thinking about how well we are listening - did we catch everything they said? But what really matters is - does the other person feel heard? This is the ultimate goal of improving our listening skills.
If you want to be seen as trustworthy and sincere, if you want people to look back on your leadership with fondness and admiration, then understanding how to make someone feel heard is a must-have skill.
If you want people to say these things about you:
- “My manager made me feel that my opinions were important”
- “My manager made me feel like I had space to express how I felt”
- “My manager made me feel like a valued member of the team”
Then this 7-minute class is for you.
