If giving constructive criticism makes you nervous and your hands sweaty, then you're not alone. In fact, 44% of managers in a Harvard Business Review survey said they felt the same and couldn't sleep well the night before "the" day.
When the nervousness gets the better of us, we might deliver constructive feedback in a way that strains the harmony between you and the direct report. You may get responses such as stonewalling, anger, or tears.
Because of these unpleasant experiences, most of us tend to avoid giving constructive criticism altogether. But it's also part of our job as a leader.
Can you relate to this dilemma?
Then you’re at the right place. In this article, we aim to debunk the myths of constructive criticism and provide you a simple no-drama model to follow.
What is Constructive Criticism?
The definition of constructive criticism is important because it frames how we feel about it. So in this section, we're going to reattach a more empowering meaning to the term.
Most of us define constructive criticism as, “disapproving of someone or their behaviors and expressing it in a useful way.”
Whether we know it or not, this definition is what makes us feel unpleasant when giving constructive feedback.
Think about it. How do you feel when someone disapproves of your actions? (No matter how useful the feedback is.)
So, the first step to feel more comfortable giving feedback is changing the way we see it.
Instead of seeing it as disapproving of someone, here’s what I’d suggest:
Constructive criticism is an analysis of merits and opportunities of someone’s work in a useful way. When done right, it’s the simplest yet most powerful tool to motivate and develop people.
That said, it’s not as easy as tossing a coin to change the way we see feedback. But what you’re about to learn will help you overcome the fear of giving constructive criticism.
Constructive vs Destructive Criticism: What's The Difference?
It's important to know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism so you don't deliver the latter accidentally.
If you want to make sure you're delivering constructive criticism, we have a simple model for you to follow in the section below.
Why Should We Give Constructive Criticism
When you give constructive criticism in an effective and helpful way, it brings you more advantages than disadvantages.
Here’s an interesting fact: A Harvard Business Review article stated that your direct reports want to receive constructive feedback more than you’d think.
Constructive feedback is not a hammer that breaks harmony.
In fact, it's a ship that moves everyone in your team forward and aligns them in a common direction.
Plus, leaders in the top 10% feedback saw team engagement scores average 77% compared to leaders in the bottom 10% who saw only an average 25% team engagement.
If you still have doubts, we understand.
The simple feedback model below can give you the confidence you need to be the best for your team. All you need to do is follow the 4 points below and practice.
How to Give Constructive Criticism: 4-Point No-Drama Feedback Model
Point 1: State what you observed
We want this to be as objective as possible.
Say a direct report has not been contributing in group meetings. The fact you can express is "I noticed in the last 3 team meetings we had together you didn't speak throughout the meetings."
What you want to avoid is telling them what you think about the facts, such as "It feels like you don't care about our team's success."
Here’s another example.
Say, a direct report failed to send a draft plan to their project partners on time. The fact you can express is "I noticed our project partners asked for a draft plan by Wednesday but it was sent on Friday without a prior note to let them know it would be delayed."
What you want to avoid is telling them what you think about the facts, such as "You sent the draft plan too late and didn't bother to let our project partners know it would be delayed."
See the difference?
When you state what you noticed (and not what you think about their actions), you're focusing on the behavior, not the person. Doing so keeps the direct report open to what you're about to say.
Point 2: Tell them how you feel about the facts
When you use feeling words, people tend to tune in better. For example:
- I noticed you haven't spoken throughout the meeting. I feel a little worried about this.
- I haven't received the financial plan yet. I feel concerned to see this.
- I noticed you're replying to emails 3 days after it was sent. I feel confused about this.
Avoid strong negative feeling words such as disappointed, annoyed, irritated, angry, betrayed etc.
Point 3: Share the wider implications
What is the wider impact on the team or the company due to the facts? Share them with your direct report clearly. We want to be direct here.
For example:
- This could send a message to everyone in the meeting that you're not interested and it could affect their morale.
- This could delay our overall project delivery.
- This will make it hard for you to move to the next level in your career.
Point 4: Ask a gentle question
From this point onward, we pass the baton to the direct report and let them share what they think. Sounds counterintuitive?
What we're taught is to offer suggestions for the person to improve. But the truth is, we often don't know what's causing the behaviors. It could be a myriad of things. It could be due to family, health, work or other issues.
If we suggest how to improve, all we're doing is addressing the symptoms but not the cause.
The best way to have a conversation about the cause is to create an environment where we state what we see and let the person share the root cause.
Here are a few gentle questions you can use:
- So, how are you feeling about things at the moment?
- So what do you think about what I just said?
- How do you see things from your perspective?
Tip: Don’t ask a ‘fix it’ question, such as, “So what are you going to do to fix this?” Remember, we’re not fixing the symptoms — which are the behaviors we see. We want to fix the root cause.
10 Examples of Constructive Criticism
- I noticed in the last 2 team meetings you haven't spoken throughout the meeting. I feel a little worried about this because it could send a message to your peers that you're a bit checked out and not interested in participating. So how are you feeling about things at the moment?
- I haven't received the financial plan yet and the deadline we agreed to was on Wednesday. I feel concerned to see this. This could delay our overall project delivery. What happened from your perspective?
- I noticed you're replying to emails 3 days after it was sent. I feel confused about this. It sends a message to your teammates that they're not a priority and it could block their work progress. What's going on from your perspective?
- I saw you organized all of our meeting notes in one folder. I feel uneasy to see this. The team could take a longer time to look for specific meeting notes. What are your thoughts about this?
- I noticed you gave me those project updates 2 days after they were due. I feel uncertain about this. We could miss out on potential clients. How do you see this from your point of view?
- I heard you make a comment about Shannon not looking like an engineer in our group meeting earlier today. I feel rather worried. When we make personal comments like this it can make the other person feel like they are being stereotyped and doesn't lead to them feeling included as part of the group. How do you feel about this?
- I noticed you haven't raised your hands when we ask for volunteers to lead the past few events. I felt surprised to see this. If you don't take leadership opportunities when they present themselves it's going to be hard to build a case for your promotion at your next review. What are your thoughts?
- I noticed our project partners asked for a draft plan by Wednesday but it was sent on Friday without a note to let them know it would be delayed. I was concerned to see this. It could impact their sense of how reliable we are as a team. How do you see this from your perspective?
- I heard that you gave negative feedback to Joel without being empathetic. I feel worried about this. This could make him lose motivation and hinder your relationship with him. What is your point of view on this?
- In the last 2 team meetings I've noticed you speak over your team members before they've finished their sentences. I feel a little alarmed to see this. It doesn't show others that you're listening and makes them feel like you're not interested in what they have to say which will ultimately erode trust. What have you noticed happening?
Tip: If you’re not used to giving feedback, try taking a couple of minutes to write it down first using the No-Drama Feedback Model. You could even role play it with someone else so you feel more confident ahead of delivering it.
5 Mistakes to Avoid When Giving Constructive Feedback
It's okay to make mistakes. We're human after all. To help you get prepared, here are 5 mistakes to avoid:
Mistake 1: Sugarcoating the Feedback
If you're using the ‘Feedback Sandwich’ model and noticed it isn't as effective as you'd like it to be, there’s a reason for it.
The Feedback Sandwich model delivers feedback in 3 parts: praise - actual feedback - praise.
The downside of the model is that it diminishes the impact of the praise and the actual feedback. In the end, the person feels confused at what exactly you're trying to say.
So, don't sugarcoat the feedback with praises or thank you’s. Use the No-Drama Feedback model above to be direct and kind. Save the positive feedback for another time.
Mistake 2: Leave It For Too Long
If you compile all constructive criticism and wait to deliver it during annual performance reviews, it's too late for the person to learn from their mistakes.
Preferably we want to give feedback right after the moment. Otherwise, wait for the end of the day or maximum a few days later.
Mistake 3: Deliver Feedback While Feeling Strongly About It
Sharing your feedback while you're feeling angry, irritated, annoyed, or any strong negative feeling about the person could escalate into heated conversations quickly. Plus, we tend to make poor decisions about what to say and do when we’re feeling emotional.
It's best to let yourself calm down first and then deliver the feedback.
Mistake 4: Forget to Deal With Emotions
We want to be empathetic and direct when giving constructive feedback. Balancing between these 2 could be difficult.
That is why Point #4: Asking a Gentle Question is one of many empathetic gestures you can easily use.
Another empathetic gesture is to postpone the feedback discussion if the person feels intense anger or sadness. Wait until the person is calm and ready, then resume the discussion.
Mistake 5: Pushing For a Solution
We are problem-solvers so we want to fix things immediately, including our direct reports' problems. However, the issues we see are often symptoms of underlying issues.
Instead of pushing for a solution to fix the symptoms, we need to give our direct reports space to be aware and analyze what’s causing the issue. Then we work with them to come up with possible solutions. This way, the direct reports will feel they have more ownership and they are more likely to change their behavior.
What we can do is provide support as much as we can to our direct reports and be their cheerleader.
What to Do If You Forget Everything You've Learned?
There is a lot going on in your day-to-day life as a manager. At this point, I hope you've learned a lot about constructive criticism from reading this. But it’ll take time to digest and understand everything.
So, here's a small reminder for you when you need it most:
Take a few minutes to prepare what you need to say using the 4 simple steps in the No Drama Feedback Model. It's perfectly possible to be both direct with your feedback and kind in your delivery.
Free 'How to Give Feedback' Video Training for Managers
You’re now one step closer to being the leader you want to be. The real challenge is to take action. And it doesn't have to be big and complicated.
If all you have is 10 minutes a day, we've created just the right video training for you.
"How To Give Feedback" is a quick training that highlights all the important info you need to give constructive criticism well. It's best suited for busy leaders who don't have time to sit down at a full-day training session.
Remember, constructive criticism is not a hammer that breaks everything you've built.
Constructive criticism is a ship that brings everyone in your team forward and toward a common direction.
