Managing your boundaries is incredibly challenging. As managers, you’re constantly juggling complex interpersonal dynamics, and feeling the pressure to be ‘always on’ for your team. It’s easy to let your own needs slide.
But we want to be very clear with one thing. You must never feel guilty about setting boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s absolutely essential for maintaining your well-being and creating a productive work environment for your team. You can’t lead effectively if you’re running on empty.
The science backs this up. According to research from the University of Illinois, individuals who have greater boundary control over their work and personal lives are significantly better at creating a "stress buffer." This buffer protects them from falling into the trap of negative rumination and burnout.
Finding the right balance between being highly available to your team and fiercely protecting your own time is difficult. But it’s a learned skill.
If you’re a People leader, share this blog with your managers, especially those who exhibit symptoms of overworking, burnout, difficulty prioritizing, and poor work-life balance.
4 Ways to Set Boundaries and How to Make Them Work
1. Saying No
We know it’s incredibly hard to say "no" to people. We all want to be seen as kind and helpful. We totally get it.
But we want you to ask yourself this question: What is the actual cost of me saying yes to this?
Contrary to how it feels in the moment, people will actually respect you much more when you say no.
Why?
Because you’re role-modeling how to ruthlessly focus and prioritize. You’re not overpromising today just to drop the ball next week. Setting a boundary shows that you respect yourself and understand your team's true priorities.
Let’s look at a few scripts you can use to say no without the guilt:
- "I wish I could be more helpful to you, but I’m fully committed to delivering this project over the next couple of weeks. I’m sorry!"
- "As much as I hate to decline, I’m going to have to bow out of this one. I’m just keeping my head above water right now myself."
- "I’d love to help, but I actually think Taylor has more of the details on this. Would you mind checking in with them first?"
In that last example, you’re not directly saying no. You’re offering a better solution. While we never advocate just passing the buck, this is the perfect response for those times when the request truly isn't your job and you’re already strapped for time.
"It's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important." ― Steve Jobs
Bonus Tip: Saying Yes (But With Parameters)
Of course, sometimes you have to say yes, it might literally be your job! So let’s look at how to say "yes" while putting strict parameters in place to protect your focus.
- "Yes, I’d be happy to help, but I’m deep in focus on this task right now. Can you pop 15 minutes in my calendar later this afternoon so we can talk about it?"
- Why it works: You’ve said yes, but you haven't allowed yourself to be interrupted. You’re staying in complete control of your schedule.
- "Yes, of course I’ll help. What have you tried so far to make progress?"
- Why it works: This is a classic coaching response! You’re setting the firm expectation that they need to at least try to figure it out for themselves before they come running to you for the answer.
- "Yes, I can take this on, but I’m going to need to drop something else to make the time. What would you like me to deprioritize?"
- Why it works: This is the perfect response when your manager hands you a massive new task. You’re showing you’re a team player, but you’re forcing them to acknowledge the reality of your workload.
2. Resetting Expectations
Sometimes, the thing making us feel the most stressed isn't an emergency. It’s an expectation we set with someone else that desperately needs to change. Maybe it’s a deadline you agreed to, or a project you said ‘yes’ to in the moment but instantly regretted.
A client of ours recently promised a peer of hers that she would help edit a company-wide meeting deck, but realized that it would come at the expense of not finishing her own deliverables that day. Our client felt bad that she had retracted her initial offer to help, but felt better knowing that she was honoring her own commitments.
Let’s reflect for a moment. What’s a situation that’s putting pressure on you or your team at the moment?
Take a second to write it down. What conversation could you have to reset expectations? Note down what you could say. Feel doable? If so, when could you have that conversation?
You could start by saying something like “This isn’t an ideal situation but I set an expectation with you which I’m going to have to reset. Is now a good time to chat about it?”
Tip: If you need to reset expectations with your manager, you can use these tips on ‘How to Manage Up: 4 Simple Practical Tips’.
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3. Blocking Breaks on Your Calendar
Another way of setting and maintaining professional boundaries is blocking time in your calendar for breaks.
Research by Microsoft found that back-to-back meetings can decrease your ability to focus and engage. Without breaks, the average activity of beta waves in our brain (those associated with stress) increased over time and kept accumulating. Participants were withdrawn and less engaged in subsequent meetings.
But when participants were given a chance to rest using meditation, beta activity dropped, allowing for a “reset.” This reset meant participants started their next meeting in a more relaxed state. The antidote to meeting fatigue is simple: taking short breaks.
How do you maintain your boundaries around breaks?
First, plan how long each break is and when you need to take them. You might block 30 minutes every few hours to reset, or it might be as short as ending a 30 minute meeting 5 minutes early to make the transition to your next meeting. Small behavior changes can make a difference.
Second, reinforce your breaks. Have a conversation with your team about why you’re putting break blocks in and set the expectation that they can’t be scheduled over unless there’s an emergency. Encourage them to take a similar approach to their calendars!
4. Setting Personal Boundaries
This is an important one because it sets the tone for your team. Follow the 3 steps below to start:
Step 1: Give Yourself Permission
As a manager, you're probably used to putting others first. You might feel like you always have to be available and go above and beyond. But that's not sustainable, and it's not healthy either.
You need to give yourself permission to prioritize your own needs and well-being, so you can be the best version of yourself for your team.
Step 2: Decide What Your Personal Boundaries Are
Take a moment now to reflect and ask yourself:
- What are my personal boundaries at work?
- What’s important to me?
- What do I need in order to be at my best and have the energy to focus?
If you’re someone who gets cranky with no food, make sure some time for lunch is scheduled. A client of mine worked a lot in the evening, but he found that unless he set a boundary to shut down his laptop by 9:30pm, his work thoughts really affected his sleep.
As a side note, please take your paid time off! Your own burnout will start to affect your team and you’ll be role-modeling how important work-life balance is.
Step 3: Talk About Your Personal Boundaries
Make sure your team knows you've been thoughtful about building personal boundaries into your week.
For example, “Yes I can meet to talk about that this afternoon! I just need to be walking out the door by 5:30pm to make it to my boxing class.”Or “Today my kids are home from school and I’d like to have lunch with them. Does 2pm work instead?”
Talking about your own boundaries helps others feel comfortable setting them for themselves, which makes setting personal boundaries part of your team’s shared culture.
Your Boundaries Define Your Leadership
As managers, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing that saying "yes" to everything makes us good leaders. We think that by sacrificing our breaks, taking on every project, saying yes to everything or being available 24/7, we’re proving our dedication.
But you don’t need to burn yourself out to be perceived as a great leader.
Setting boundaries is the ultimate act of leadership. It requires the courage to protect your energy so you can actually focus on the high-impact work that moves the needle.
Whether it’s saying no to a distracting request or fiercely protecting a 15-minute break on your calendar, these small actions compound to create a culture of respect and focus.
We love this quote from Dr. Brené Brown: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can't base our own worthiness on others' approval. Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say, enough!"
You have permission to say enough. Set your boundaries, protect your time, and watch how quickly your team follows your lead.
